My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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