Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
