i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
