then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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