why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
