my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
