u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
PANTIES FOUND
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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