i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Randomize
