Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
