Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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