My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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