Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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