Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
