i'm signing you up for texting rehab
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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