DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
