I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
