I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
