I think I am morally bankrupt
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
