He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
