wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Damn victory sex feels great
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
