I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
