so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize