So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
