happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You may now shotgun with the bride
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
