i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize