If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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