you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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