he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
