We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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