The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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