So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
