Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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