You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
