She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
