I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
