Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
