Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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