That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
