wat bout pragnant strippers??
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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