u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
