Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
