is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
