there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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