im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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