I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
