no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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