I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
