The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
