Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
