There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
