another moral hangover. fuck.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
