apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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