I'm jealous of your bromance
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
