i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
