I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
