And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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