I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize