the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I need to align my fucking chakras
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
