Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
