NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
