I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
