break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize