sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
