well I can't set my house on fire every night
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
