I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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