i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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