Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
