is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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